forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
