Will you blow on my dice?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My ass is underappreciated
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
