She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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