I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
