I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
