The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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