just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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