The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
