I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize