I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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