Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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