Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
