this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
