Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
