Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
