if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
