I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
