i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
