I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
