Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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