last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
