I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
