I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
