trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
