I just pynch a tree in the face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
