just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
