it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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