I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
