Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
