How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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