remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize