Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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