I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
