I just pynch a tree in the face
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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