All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
