There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
COCAINE IS GR8
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
