Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
