i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
