Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
