i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
