They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he thought i was a dude.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
