ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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