so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
