I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
