My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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