On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
