I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
