I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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