So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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