we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
