I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
