NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
