The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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