What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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