HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
