Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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