i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
