So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
