how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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