everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
