I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
