Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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