Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
