saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
