my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
