fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
