hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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