captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
